I've NEVER been more appreciative of "normalcy" than I am now. Today, for the first time in a week, I could breathe. For a fleeting moment, I laughed with my kids... I forgot that I was exhausted, that my mom is dying. For a small period of time, things seemed normal... seemed.
One of my mom's friends volunteered to man the ship while Jamie and I took the kids out for a while. So we headed over the the planetarium at UNC and then went to lunch. As we rode home, I asked the kids if they had a good time and Brayden replied: "No! I had a REALLY good time." And in that moment we laughed... and then, just as suddenly, I stopped... almost feeling guilty for the joy I was experiencing. Reminded, when we walked into the house, that our reality right now is hard... painful... emotionally, physically... and, at times, spiritually.
I've had several people email me this week saying that God has placed our family on their hearts... some have even been awoken in the night with just a sense of urgency to pray. All I can say is that the nights are the worst... when we need the prayers the most. Jamie and I take turns with mom. She gets violently ill at times... and there is nothing we can do but watch... and pray. I can't tell you how many times I've prayed for His mercy; to spare my mom this pain.
Last night, I went out to buy sheets for the hospital bed and noticed that Sydney left her CD in the car. It was playing the last track of Brit Nicole's The Lost Get Found. The song is called Have Your Way. And all I can really say is that it's hard song to hear when you find yourself in a situation like this... when God's way isn't the way we want to go.
The lessons we are learning are hard... painful. Sydney and I are trying to memorize parts of James and I can't help but think of James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And to even underscore that, Carson (the worship leader for Bridgepointe) just sent us an email reminding us of this sometimes bitter truth. It seems like He wants us to hold on to this purpose with both hands... which is really all we can do right now.
Well, we're off to church. Can't wait to hear the sermon today. It's about being "All in." Definitely our life motto right now!