An Eventful Weekend

Last weekend marked an important milestone for the church plant... the first meeting of the core team.  (It was also the first time that all three staff members... and their wives... were in Providence together!) The picture to the left was taken at the end of our evening and I think it accurately portrays the joy all of us were feeling... okay, except for Jamie.  But  Jared's picture actually shows a smile on Jamie's face.... I promise!

We were so excited to meet everyone    that we headed down to Manchester that morning.  After attending the last service at Manchester Christian Church, Dan let us hang out at Restoration House.  We packed a picnic lunch, a football and a Frisbee... which was eaten by the resident pooch.  Things have been so hectic the past few months.  All our free time has been filled with packing and painting that we haven't really stopped and enjoyed our family... at least not for an entire day.  So, this was a HUGE blessing.  Even better, Caroline got to hang out with us... which is ALWAYS a treat.  She even got Mr. Jamie to dance... at least I think that's what he calls it!

Once everyone arrived at Restoration House, we sat down to an AMAZING dinner... but, to be honest, EVERY meal I've had there has been pretty impressive.  Afterwards, we all gathered in the living room for a time of sharing, praying and worshipping.  It was really great to sit around and hear every one's story... how God had led them to this point.  Those of you that know our story can testify to how God's hand has been revealed in so many ways... well, the same can be said for everyone else... and that's pretty amazing.  As we went around the room, sharing the testimony that God is writing in all of us, so many were overcome with emotion.  It was a constant reminder of His goodness; of His faithfulness.

After everyone shared, Jared asked each couple to take a turn sitting in the middle of the circle while the other couples placed hands on them and prayed.  Now, anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE to pray... especially like this.  You feel His presence... His power.  But, just as important, it creates an intimacy within the team.  I've prayed for my "new friends" several times since that evening.  Jamie and I, together, have prayed for them.  Even though our meeting was brief and distance divides us for the time being... interceding on their behalf has created a fondness that I am so thankful for.

As our night concluded, Jared realized our evening together was actually the first church service for the Providence plant.  That's pretty cool!  Especially for us.  Our family has been a part of Eastpoint (also a Restoration House church plant) since the very first Sunday... over eight years ago.  The journey, while rough at times, has been such an amazing blessing.  We have been stretched and encouraged; tested.  He has pruned and molded us... sometimes with gentle hands... sometimes with a pick-ax... (but that's more of a reflection of my disobedience than anything else!)  As we drove home that night, we felt so blessed to be a part of that special moment in the life of this church.  We continue to pray that He will lead us to Providence... completely resigned to the fact that He's the only one that can get us there... because if it was up to me, we would be there now!

Continue to pray for Jared and Rachel as they transition out of Manchester.  The staff and their wives head out to Boot Camp soon.  Please, pray for them during this time.  I'm so excited to see what God is going to do through these three couples.  Their enthusiasm and love for the Lord is inspiring and infectious.

 (FYI:  Angie and Carson (Worship Leader) are standing next to Jamie and Katie and Josh (Small Groups and Outreach) are next to them.)

Setback, Set Aside and Set Up

It's been awhile since I've set myself in front of the keyboard... that was intentional.  Not because I didn't have anything to share... on the contrary.  There's a lot to share... but I was waiting... waiting for the story to unfold.  However, this morning, He really pressed upon me the undeniable fact that the story IS unfolding... how, despite what seems to be a period of frustrating stagnation in our journey to Providence, He is giving us a chance to grow in our faith, to mature in our wisdom.  How our "set backs" are really "set ups"... opportunities to marvel at how He puts everything together... in His timing.

The picture I've posted was taken May 4th, at the Revive Women's Conference in Rhode Island.  Rachel was asked to lead worship and she asked if I would help... of course, anyone who knows Rachel and her amazing gifts will readily recognize the fact that my "help" was not needed... but, I'd be lying if I didn't admit how great it felt to be singing with my friend again... or how much I truly miss leading others into worship.

After the conference, we headed back to Manchester to hang out with Jared and Rachel, as well as our friends, Kim and John Stiver.  That night lent itself to some really good conversations... interestingly, I had very little to say.  But, this is just an amazing testimony to how God is transforming me.  He is making me a better listener.  He's keeping my "passion" (aka emotions, frustration, excitement) in check.  But, at one point, Kim brought the conversation back to me and Jamie, asking the very pointed question: So, where are you guys with moving to Providence?  (This is why I love Kim and consider her one of my dearest friends.  She's just like me: direct, blunt, to the point... and incredibly annoying!) We answered the question the best way we knew how: We want to go.  We feel confident that God wants us to go.  But we have absolutely no idea how it's going to happen... or maybe, if I'm honest, I should say that I'm not sure how it CAN happen.

We ended up leaving Manchester that following morning resolute in one thing:  We can't have a Plan B.  We've asked God to make it clear and He did (I'll have to share that experience at a later date!) So, we need to move forward, totally trusting Him... and not planning for what happens if He doesn't "come through," if you will.  So, on the ride home we decided to put the house up of sale on June 15th.  Up until that point, our plan was for Jamie to find a job first, and then we'd figure out the housing situation.  However, after looking for a job... ANY job, for six months, with not one single (viable) option, we decided that maybe we're not trusting Him... So we decided to trust.  And never in our wildest dreams could we have ever considered what He did next.

That night, while looking for jobs, Jamie found a posting: Providence area law firm looking to hire attorney certified to practice in Maine, that would be willing to relocate.  Did you get it?  Those chills that run up and down your arm?  This was almost tailored made for Jamie... except for the fact that it's foreclosure law, which he knows very little about... but the ad said that they would train the "right" person.  Never, in our wildest dreams, would we have expected anything remotely close to this.  And I wish I could say that the job is his... but it isn't.  The door isn't closed. The posting went down last week and he hasn't received a call... but he also hasn't received the courtesy "Thanks, but no thanks" letter... so we just keep praying.

But in the meantime, we suffered a few other setbacks last week in the journey: my mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer, we learned that our septic system needs to be replaced, and Jamie's income will decrease yet again next month due to rising insurance costs and no cost of living increase. I had a moment the other day, just sitting in my chair, crying my eyes out.  And while it would be easy to say that there's a lot to cry over... the truth was that I was crying about the condition of my heart.  As I sat there, sharing everything with Jamie, I had to confess the resentment that was consuming me... so much so that I physically couldn't pray.  Never in my life have I been unable to pray.  But, last week, I couldn't. Instead, I was pleading with the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf.  I threw myself into the Bible, I listened to at least one sermon every morning while I worked out at the gym.  I prayed with Jamie.  I prayed with the kids.  I wish I could say that all my troubles "magically" went away. They didn't.  However, something did change... me.  Somewhere, somehow... a sense of peace has taken over my heart.  I am completely and totally 100% at peace... while in the storm.  I realized that all these setbacks (my mom, the septic, the income) and the "set asides" (those things that we have to "wait on"... like this job in Providence)... they're all just SET UPS for God to reveal His hand...sometimes in the immediate outcome, sometimes in the journey itself.... sometimes in our hearts.

In the meantime, we're still painting and packing....preparing ourselves for the journey.  Please, keep praying for our family: my mom, Jamie's job (both the one he has now and the one he'll have next...whenever and wherever that is!) and my heart... that a consuming peace will continue to grow, even in the height of the storm.

Gaining Perspective...

I'm not quite sure where to begin this one... there's so much to say and not nearly enough time to say it (or, in this case, write it!).  I guess I can start with this:  As I was anxiously awaiting Jamie and Sydney's arrival in Boston, the first person I spotted from the "team" was Jane Raymo.  After a brief hug and the obvious question from me: How was the trip?  The only response Jane gave was this:  Your husband is not the same man.  Hold on... because your husband is not the same man.  I wish I could tell you what went through my mind at that moment: Joy? Relief? Confusion?  Probably a little of each. Truth be told, up until that point, I never dared to hope for anything from this missions trip.  I was afraid to be disappointed.  Jamie and I must have talked about it at least 100 times.  My trip to Nicaragua, just two years prior, had a profound effect on my walk with Christ.  I came back on fire for the Lord.  Anyone who knows me can testify to the transformation... which, unfortunately, put "pressure" on Jamie to have a similar experience... or maybe it's more accurate to say that we both feared that NOT having the same experience would be such a disappointment.  So, early on, we made the decision to not talk about expectations and to be open to whatever God was going to do... and He did a lot.

There is so much I could write about... but the one thing I want to share is this: perspective.  I don't think we ever truly appreciate how much we have grown until we're reminded of how far we have come.  This was definitely the case for Jamie. During this trip, he was assigned to a group that was responsible for building an erosion canal.  He was teamed up with a few other guys and a local, Hilario, for the project.  (See photo)  As Jamie began telling me about the work detail and the men he came to know, it was clear to see that Jane was right... my husband had changed. 

Not exactly known for forging friendships... I daresay that Jamie would admit to having only one friend (Scott Furr)...it took me by surprise how he spoke about the men he worked with during those long days.  There was one in particular, Eric (seen standing next to Jamie in the picture), that Jamie felt a kindred connection to... because there are striking similarities between the two of them.  The irony of this is that Eric isn't a Christian... something Jamie wasn't aware of until the end of the trip.  I think it was a pretty reasonable assumption to make... especially if you're on a missions trip, but, regardless, the truth was the same.  It was then that Jamie began sharing with me some of their conversations about faith.  He told Eric that it took eight years of enduring my constant nagging for him to become a Christian... obviously, I'm kidding (but I'm sure, at times, it felt that way). What struck me the most was listening to Jamie talk about Eric.  He kept saying that he was really surprised that Eric WASN'T a Christian because he showed all the characteristic of Christ... but it's what Jamie said next that completely rocked my world:  I can't wait to see what he's like when he does become a Christian!

For me, it was one of those surreal moments.  There's no way to know how many times I said those exact words about my own husband... how many times countless others have said the same thing.  How many times Jamie and I went round and round about how being a good person is great... but being a follower of Christ is better... because it gives you purpose, truth.  When a good person places their trust in Christ, they can take the world by fire... their goodness (which also comes from Him... whether they realize it or not!), amplified by His greatness, changes lives... starting with their own.

Jamie saw himself in Eric.  He saw where his journey began, and how far God had taken him, with more clarity, with more appreciation.  He gained a whole lot of perspective!  There are no obvious markers for our spiritual growth.  Like the worn away door frame with the markings of pencil detailing every growth spirt of our younger years.  It's easy to look back and see how much we have physically grown... that's not the case with our spiritual lives... unless we look back in journals (if we keep them) or see reminders of ourselves in others... as was the case with Eric.

When we saw Eric at church the Sunday following their return, Jamie gave him a big hug.... which was also a surprise because the ONLY men that Jamie hugs are Scott and Jared!  I immediately gave Eric a hug myself... I couldn't help it.  Even though I don't know him at all, I can't help but be endeared... I pray for Eric daily.  I thank God for putting him with Jamie.  I thank God for the testimony he is writing in both of them.  I thank God for His timing... because it IS perfect.  It was for Jamie.  It is for Eric.  It's one of the few things we can count on in life... if only I could remember it!

New Beginnings

Well, this has been an amazing week!  There's so much to share that I'm not quite sure where to begin.  But I'll start by stating the one, undeniable truth.... God is so good.  The picture I'm posting with this entry was taken this past Sunday... before Sydney and Jamie were baptized.  For those that know our story, you understand what a monumental day this was. For those that don't, please read this entry as a testimony to God's graciousness, His goodness. His providence... and how the gift of His son, Jesus, changes lives.

I could sit up all night writing about God's obvious hand in my life, as it pertains to my family... but, tonight I'm just focusing on prayer.  This is something that I have really struggled with over the years.  My  confession: The only thing I'm consistent with is NOT praying on a regular basis; while I try to focus my prayer time interceding on the behalf of others, my prayers always come back to me; it's quite remarkable if I can start and finish my prayer time without veering off track.... by making my mental shopping list for the next grocery run or constructing the "To Do" list for the following day.  But, despite all this, there is one thing I have consistently prayed for over the past 10 years... that my husband would openly accept and acknowledge the authority of Jesus in his life.  And after a decade of prayers and countless tears that prayer was answered.  And just like everything else... God's timing was perfect.

Raised Catholic, my husband was baptized as an infant.  He was raised in the church, but like many others, regardless of doctrine, he became jaded by religious tradition.  To make things "worse," my husband is simply amazing.  He is a man of integrity.  His moral compass points north.  Frankly, he's quite annoying.... but I say that with an abundance of love (and just a smig of jealousy!). Over the years, it's been particularly trying for me.  I would often read 1 Corinthians 7:14 for encouragement... but, more times than not, it led to frustration.  I didn't understand why this prayer wasn't being answered.  My intentions were good: I wanted a spiritual leader for me and our children.  Isn't that the way it's suppose to be?  Doesn't God want that for all of His children?  But, what really troubled me was "my part" in 1 Corinthians.  I was always aware of the fact that Jamie was watching me... acknowledging the fact that there is NO WAY IN THE WORLD he would want to trust Jesus with his life if it meant enduring the sometimes painful pruning process that he often saw reflected in my life.  Walking with Christ isn't easy and the past two years of my life is a strong testimony to that.  But, thankfully, I'm not responsible for my husband's salvation.  And the moment I realized that... everything changed.

Over the course of the past few months, our eldest daughter started asking questions about baptism.  It finally got to the point that she wanted to talk to "Mr. Scott" about it... which happened one Tuesday afternoon over ice cream at a local shop.  I wish I could express the simple beauty of that interaction.  Sydney has grown up in our church.  "Mr. Scott and Mrs. Beth" are considered to be more than our pastor and his wife.  They are our friends.  The people with whom we have spent Christmas morning.  The ones we call in an emergency.  One of two brave couples that have agreed to raise our children if anything should ever happen to us.  They are more than friends... they are our family.  So, I just naturally assumed that Sydney would want Scott to baptize her.  But, God had other plans... and he used Sydney as the seed.  For you see, Sydney wanted her father to baptize her... a request that no one expected... the catalyst for what was about to unfold.

Overwhelmed with such a request, Jamie was forced to make a decision.  His faith in Jesus was never in question... but an open proclamation in front of complete strangers was something completely different.  My husband is immensely private.  He shares his true self with few.  His intimate moments with even fewer.  Being baptized in front of hundreds of people, in a way, was a violation of that privacy... but it was also a "point of no return."  I honestly can think of no one that has taken this decision more seriously than my husband... and I think this is where all my struggling comes into play.   Jesus isn't limited to Sunday mornings in our house.  Accountability is HUGE... almost to the point of a liability at times.  Experiencing the freedom of Jesus got lost somewhere along the way.  My inability to experience and rest in the joy of Christ has often been the battle cry of my testimony... it has spoken louder than my love for Jesus.  And for his, my repentant heart grieves... and is thankful for the grace and mercy of Jesus.  Jamie knew that being the spiritual leader of our house would be no small task, especially in light of our plans for going to Providence.  We often use the term "being all in."  This step for Jamie was a huge proclamation that he was "all in"... and the coy wink he gave me right before Scott dunked him under the water assured me of the fact that this was always the plan... God's plan.

As I sit here right now and type, Jamie and Sydney are in Nicaragua... experiencing their first missions trip together.  God is so good.  I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined things playing out the way they have.  As Jamie stood before the congregation last Sunday, his emotion was undeniable.  You saw a man that clearly understood the decision he was making.   And as I looked around, I saw our friends also moved by what they were witnessing.  We were surrounded by people that have shared our tears in this journey.  Our dearest friends, Anna and Scott, pulled our children out of Sunday school, as well as their own kids, and sat in the front row.  Another treasured friend, Lisa, held Holden as Sydney and Jamie were baptized.  It was one of those surreal moments when you realize that God had this all planned out long, long ago.  It all made sense.  Afterwards, we had so many people come up to us, thanking us for allowing them to be a part of "our" day.  But, it's only now that I understand that it was really God's day.  The glory is His.  It always has been.  It always will be.  I'm just thankful that I'm able to recognize it... to acknowledge it... to praise it.                                                                            

HOPE NOW... a Message for Easter

This morning, on our way home from church, we came across a man that was physically struggling to place one foot in front of the other. The thoughts flooded my head, as they so often do: We should stop and see if he's okay. Give him a ride. Offer to buy him dinner, or better yet groceries. But, I didn't speak them. I just prayed. The remainder of the car ride was quite. Almost like the gloom that covered this unknown man had infiltrated and polluted the very air we breathed... which is exactly what happened. By the time we pulled into the driveway, my husband asked me to take the kids into the house because he was going back to help the stranger. I asked him to take one of our neighbors with him... fearing his safety. But he said "No" and went on his way.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit to fearing the worst. And I could never in a million years articulate the relief I felt when my husband walked through the doors almost 30 minutes later. But, I can share with you God's divine providence. The man's name was Charles. He disclosed that he had been in some really dark places in his life... but, none as dark as the one he found himself in at this very moment. The smell of alcohol from his breath was impossible to ignore. The injuries he had somehow sustained left him almost incapacitated. From the moment he entered our car, he cried the entire way to his house... confiding to my husband that just moments earlier he was thinking of ending his life. And it was then that my husband shared the message of hope that was only shared with us an hour before. My husband presented the Gospel, the message of hope, to someone so broken that there seemed no escape except to end his own life.

By the time they reached his house, Charles seemed to be in a better place. He extended his hand to shake my husband's... and it was then that my husband saw the tattoo that ran across Charles' hand: Satan. Even now, it takes my breath away.

As Charles exited our car, he thanked my husband for his time and even contemplated the possibility of discovering a new friend. How God must smile (and Satan must scream in disgust) at the thought of someone so lost being given the Hope of Christ. This is why Jesus overcame the grave. This is what we have been commissioned to do... to spread the love of Christ to a broken world. And the fact that this opportunity... this gift... was presented to us on the day we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior is not lost on us.

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In an effort of full disclosure, I have to admit some trepidation at starting a new blog. For starters, the first one (The 'Crazy Love' Experiment) almost wrecked me. The other day, I went back to read some of my entries from over a year ago... thankful for God's grace and goodness, only able to admit now that time and distance have lent themselves to wisdom and perspective. But, despite this, I readily admit that I'm no fan of the Divine Pruning Process. Yet, after a long talk with a dear friend and mentor (thanks, Amy!) I quickly became aware of how important this blog is.... not to you (I'm not so self-absorbed to think that any of you care in the slightest about my thoughts and perspective!). It's important to me and my family... my children, their heritage. Because one day I will look back over these entries with a profound appreciation for where God has lead us. Because, despite my ironclad memory at this time in my life, there will come a time when these precious moments fall away, forever lost unless remembered by pen (or in this case, computer). Because our family is about to embark on an adventure that will cause us to leave our family and friends, everything we know... for the one thing we hold dear: Jesus.

We have the great fortune of being part of a church plant in Providence, Rhode Island. Our dear friends, Jared and Rachel Cowgur are planting the church through Restoration House Ministries and we couldn't be more honored and humbled at the opportunity to share the Hope of Jesus. This blog will document our journey... and the adventure that awaits!